The top five people we need to see less of in 2011.
It’s nearly impossible to avoid hearing something about Lady Gaga on any particular day and that in itself earns this manufactured icon a place high on this list.
My attempt to see some sort of primal sexiness in the whole raw meat costume failed as all I can think about is the inevitable botulism contracted by anyone within dripping distance of her tenderloins. Now upon sight I involuntarily squirt Purell.
Outrageous outfits… she could don a tunic made from the foreskin of the abominable snowman and honestly, I wouldn’t feel the urge that I’ve got to see what thats about. And this is coming from someone who really digs the abominable snowman.
Recently when I’ve seen Lindsay Lohan, it appears her upper lip is swollen. I tell myself, someone recently punched her and it really becomes less annoying. I enjoyed Mean Girls, but that was more about a decent script by Tina Fey, than Lohans impressive talent shining.
The former child star has a risqué side. Who can forget Lohan going commando on mini skirt night during the Hollywood Slut Festival . What.. paparazzi outside the limo? Several snapped her snapper exposing much more of Lindsay than anyone wanted to see. If you missed it, imagine Danny Bonaduce’s naval with bed-bug bites.
This Guy is Off the Hook. Most of us wish he was off the air. The Food Network has been in perpetual masturbation mode after they anointed him The Next Food Network Star in 2006. Soon after, premiering “Guy’s Big Bite“, “Diners, Drive-ins and Dives” and “Ultimate Recipe Showdown“, all featuring Fieri. Unsuspecting fans of the Food Network were force fed the bleached and gelled head, and rap, of the Anglo Coolio day and night.
It would seem Fieri is as annoying in-person, so as viewers, we hold out hope that eventually one of his on-camera guests, interviewed in front of a hot griddle, will grab his neck and shove it straight down along side the sizzling killer triple cheese and chili frittata. NBC hired Fieri as host of it’s lame prime time game show Minute to Win It. In NBCs defense, they had really established themselves to be morons with the whole Conan/Leno debacle. Take the sunglasses off the back of your head, it really does make us hate you more.
Any Kardashian is too many Kardashians. Kourtney and Khloe, while still over-exposed nobodies, fall short of sister Kim and the media attention she received in 2010 for doing… nothing. Show me Kim Kardashian on a $2000 a month budget, pad lock her make-up kit and make her next athlete hook-up be Garo Yepremian, then I’ll take a look. But until then, I prefer the next big ass celebrity update to feature Beyoncé Knowles… or anyone dressed in spandex from The Biggest Loser.
Damn you money grubbing Kardashians, why did we ever have to see Bruce Jenner, one time American hero, looking like a pathetic inept claymation burn victim. Everything about her rise has been wrong. Ignore her everybody. Ignore her tits too. Both of them. I know they wink, quit looking!
It’s clear if Justin Bieber were wiped off the the lofty perch of media visibility that earned him a spot on this list, adolescent girls every where would need a new idol to adore. I suggest they be given Clint Howard. Not as the youngster in Gentle Ben reruns. No, give them the 51 year old as is, in a pair of Magnum PI shorts and eating a bag of Cheetos. It’s Bieber looking in a mirror in 35 years, and these girls should experience his inevitable creepiness now so that the rest of us can see him fade away as quickly as possible. Maybe I’d feel different if his name were Snake. But it’s not, so obviously our society just needs a good slap in the face.
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