HOLLYWOOD – Studio executives were stunned today when it was uncovered that actor/filmmaker Tyler Perry is white. Just days after extending a multimillion dollar deal with LionsGate, Perry admitted he is 100% Caucasian.
“There really was no reason to continue the charade. I’m rich now and that could have never happened if I was white”. Perry told reporters following a meal at Dan Tana’s Restaurant in West Hollywood. “Who would have gone to see a movie called Diary of a Mad White Woman? And no studio would have produced Diary of a Mad Black Woman if created by a white man”.
Perry amassed a fortune producing films aimed at an African American audience such as Madea Goes to Jail, For Colored Girls and the yet unreleased We the Peeples. Now those films are being called racist. “Colored Girls? Whose he calling colored?” asked a miffed Oprah Winfrey upon learning Perry is not Black. “Whitey Please”.
The House of Payne creator learned the basics of transforming himself, after reading Black Like Me, a book written in 1959 by John Howard Griffin, a white man, who darkened his skin, to explore what it was like to live in the South as a black man.
Perry began his version of the social experiment in 1987. “Look, I was your normal white kid from Minnesota. I loved skiing, deer hunting, video games and Rock n Roll”. In fact Tyler Perry is not even his real name. “I took it from my favorite band, Aerosmith. Steven Tyler and Joe Perry were heroes of mine. They hooked up with Run- DMC remaking Walk This Way. From there I was entranced by black culture”.
The news quickly prompted programming changes around town. BET has promised to be Tyler Perry free. The O Network grounded production of a Perry sitcom pilot and have instead green-lit an untitled Chaz Bono project.
Perry may have compounded the fury when he later admitted he is a Republican. “I quietly supported McCain last election and honestly am quite excited at the prospect of Sarah Palin in 2012”.
African American leaders are outraged. The Reverend Jesse Jackson has called Perry’s actions “blasphemous”. The Reverend Al Sharpton labeled Perry “despicable”. “Apparently blaxploitation films did not end with Super Fly”, Sharpton said on the Sean Hannity Show “Madea is just this generations John Shaft and once again a white man’s bank account grows from millions of ten dollar movie tickets sold in our ghettos”.
Even though the cat is out of the bag, Perry has no plans to return to being white. “Who wants to be a middle-aged white man in American? No thanks” declared Perry “I may not have been born a black man, but I did catch myself yelling at the movie screen at a recent horror picture… Well that sh*t was scary”.
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