Global, Political

Trump Uncovers Obama Birth Certificate
Apr, 12 2011

Donald Trump

NEW YORK – Sometimes all it takes is money to get the truth. Donald Trump had stirred up the controversial topic that President Obama could not produce a valid birth certificate to prove he was born in the United States. Late Monday Trump announced he had the document and his so called witch hunt, caught a witch.

“Obama spent $2 million to hide the truth. I spent $6 million to uncover it” declared The Donald.

Last week while appearing on NBC’s Today Show, Trump told Meredith Viera that he had a team of investigators on location in Hawaii. By Friday, those PIs had concluded there was no Obama birth certificate to be found on any of the Hawaiian islands.  As if Agatha Christie had written the story line herself, this mystery had a few exciting chapters still to be read.

Upon receiving the news that they had come up empty, Trump told his team to enjoy their last couple of days there and see the sites, but requested they bring back some Kona Coffee.

It was near a coffee plantation 16 miles south of Kona, where the team stopped at the Big Island Brew coffee shack to pick up the beans. They requested 2 lbs. of the absolute finest coffee available.

The purveyor recommended the Presidential Kope at $75 a lb. and guaranteed every bean was picked from the Obama Tree.

Hupo Wa’awa’a provided clues

It was then they received a brief history on Kona Coffee. “Like macadamia nuts, coffee is not native to the Hawaiian Islands” the grower Hupo Wa’awa’a explained, “the beans came from many places from around the world that produced the finest coffee. The seed for what we call the Obama Tree was brought here from Kenya and planted by the hands of the father of our President many years ago”.

Matthew Kirwin, lead investigator on Trumps team asked Wa’awa’a how he knew this. “I helped the man dig the hole.” Wa’awa’a replied. Kirwin showed Wa’awa’a a photo of the senior Obama and asked “Was this that man?”

Wa’awa’a laughed and surprised them by saying no. “I remember his name was Benny. He was a musician and a coffee lover who had just toured parts of Africa before he arrived. He said sadly he was missing his son’s birth back home and he wanted to plant the coffee tree in his honor.”

“The only spot that still had good direct sunlight was by a rock or “by rock” as Benny would say, and then laughed how he liked the sound of that, and as we drank that night, he proclaimed that shall be his name. It was a few years later he brought the young Barack to Hawaii to live with grandparents on O’ahu. They stopped by here so Benny could show Barack the tree”. Wa’awa’a said he even had a photo of the three of them, which he was proud to produce for Kirwin.

A scan of the worn black & white photo was sent to an investigative unit in New York where it was run through a world wide database. The highly technical facial recognition software identified the father of Obama. But to produce the birth certificate, the Trump team would need to fly 4000 miles east.

16 hours later Kirwin phoned Trump and told him he was looking at the President’s original birth certificate. The call came from a hospital in Stockholm.

The Father of record was indeed the man in the photo, Benny Andersson. Although a struggling musician at the time, Andersson years later, along with friend Björn Ulvaeus, formed the mega-group ABBA which went on to worldwide success. Certainly the same could be said for his son, Barack Andersson who later adopted the name of his mother’s second husband while living in Hawaii.

Trump seemed satisfied to have gotten to the bottom of the controversy. “Barack Obama is a Swede” Trump declared from a news conference in New York. “You’ll notice I didn’t say Swedish-American. Let me be clear; Swedes have no business in the White House”.


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