Jack Hanna Fired for Supplying Sheen Tiger Blood
Apr, 21 2011

Jack Hanna on recent Letterman appearance

COLUMBUS OH – Jack Hanna, host of Jack Hanna’s Animal Adventures, has been fired from his position at the Columbus Zoo and Aquarium. Hanna is accused of removing bodily fluids of animals from the zoo premises with the intent to distribute.

Specifically tiger blood was listed in the charge against Hanna, however Zoo officials confirmed other blood vials have come up missing over the past several months.

It is believed Hanna was selling the blood on the black market, specifically to Hollywood bad boy Charlie Sheen.

Hanna has been a long time friend of Sheen since they were introduced at Michael Jackson’s Neverland Ranch in 1995. At the time Sheen was fascinated by Bubbles, Jackson’s resident monkey, and it was Hanna who came to Sheen’s aid when Bubbles pelted him with feces.

Hanna recalled the incident on a recent appearance on the David Letterman show. “I heard Charlie swearing violently, and knew I had just seen him by Bubbles, so I ran back there to find him slapping the monkey. It reminded me of a Monty Python sketch”.

“When I got him to stop, I noticed one of the slaps drew blood on poor Bubbles. Charlie had some blood on his hand and I told him he needed to immediately wash that thoroughly. I probably should have suggested he do the same with the primate poop hanging from his chin, but my concern was with the possibility he was cut and the blood was intermingling.”

Dave asked Hanna if Sheen had developed an immunity to the poop. Hanna responded by explaining the inherent danger of the blood. “The poop wasn’t the concern. When blood of species mix, it’s possible traits may be transfered. Charlie was fascinated by this and asked if it was all animals or just monkeys. and I told him all creatures can transfer a multitude of things through blood.”

In early 2002, it had been rumored that Sheen’s wild trips to Las Vegas were for more than gambling and whores. Sheen’s friendship with Siegfried Fischbache of Siegfried and Roy afforded him the opportunity to get close to the famed white tigers.

Following Roy’s mauling in 2003, Roy accused his partner of allowing Sheen too many personal visits with the tigers, which as Roy asserts “altered their behavior”. It is believed Sheen was drawing blood from the tigers during his visits.

Hanna said Sheen came to him in 2004 desperate for a fix after his connection had dried up. Hanna had previously admitted trying to help Sheen through his withdrawals, but now it is thought that help was as the role of enabler.

Hanna denies supplying Sheen, and said he does not expect this to disrupt his busy schedule which includes an upcoming appearance on the Tonight Show where Hanna plans to bring on a Hyena. Regardless of its name, it is doubtful Leno will get it to laugh either.