WASHINGTON – “It’s gotten to the point I’m afraid to answer the phone” says U.S. Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner referring to the constant harassment he is receiving from bill collectors. “I tried explaining to them, we just don’t have the money right now. We are struggling just to get by”.
But the bill collectors don’t want to hear it. “It was much easier dealing directly with China” said Geithner, “I would just put them off, which was pretty easy. For a time they were even extending us additional credit. But once we got sent to collections things quickly became dire. It’s 20 -30 calls a day from the same phone number”. A reverse look-up of the number reveals it’s a collection agency out of Buffalo NY hired to collect the money owed to China.
According to the Treasury Secretary, these debt collectors are getting nasty too. “When it started out, they just demanded their money. Then they added all these fees and now are threatening to sue us for everything we’ve got. This guy just kept yelling at me. He even was swearing and I’m pretty sure he’s not allowed to do that. They belittle me, demean me and generally make me feel worthless. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve hung up the phone in tears”.
Geithner declared “They are ruthless. They are calling the President at home at all hours demanding their money. They have been calling our neighbors, Canada and Mexico asking how else to reach us. It’s embarrassing”.
Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke admitted there really is no reserve that can cover our National debt. “Obviously we have fallen behind. We don’t have the money to even cover the interest on our loans. We’ve been working directly with a Debt Consolidation company who has promised to be able to settle our country’s debt for pennies on the dollar. Hopefully that will work.”
But even the new payment they are proposing would take many decades to pay off, and that’s with no further debt. The country may be at risk of losing our assets. China is eying our real estate, with Manhattan and San Francisco the early targets. According to the White House, the President has offered New Jersey, but the Chinese are not biting. Who knew they got Jersey Shore in Beijing.