Kareem Abdul Jabbar

WASHINGTON DC – President Obama announced the assassination of Muslim terrorist and public enemy number 1 of the United States Osama Bin Laden was accomplished on Sunday.

Bin Laden was not the only casualty on this day. President Obama has stated for some time he wanted the Big Muslim taken down. Although not on the same page, it was under that directive CIA operatives killed Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.

The former NBA star, Abdul-Jabbar was spotted by a drone aircraft while signing 8 x10′s and various basketball paraphernalia at a trading card show in Milwaukee last August. CIA operatives have had Abdul-Jabbar under surveillance and were finally authorized to make the hit by the President on Sunday.

Obama was on the golf course when he was informed Abdul-Jabbar was dead. The President was saddened and asked how he died. When he was informed it was a bullet to the head, per his instructions, Obama missed his next three putts.

The Presidential golf cart headed for the club house where the President had a refreshing Arnold Palmer beverage before meeting with his top advisors. Obama reiterated he authorized a hit on the “Big Bad Muslim”.  But then was told, he only said the “Big Muslim” and thus the confusion.

Fortunately Obama would save face on this day.  Papa John’s online pizza ordering web site, had just received an order for 3 Papa John Specials (Sausage, Pepperoni and Extra Cheese)  under the the name O B. Laden from one of their Pakistani franchises.  Papa John’s database is tied directly into computers at the White House where the terrorist’s activity was detected.

The White House, the CIA and the Military formulated a clandestine intelligence operation, which involved a government assassin disguised as a pizza delivery man. Instead of free bread sticks, Bin Laden got a bullet through his brain.

Donald Trump already has taken partial credit for Osama Bin Laden’s death claiming Obama chose to do it because it would interrupt Celebrity Apprentice during one of its most climactic episodes.

The President made the announcement Bin Laden had been killed to Americans Sunday evening. He did not mention Abdul-Jabbar’s death in his address to the Nation.