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Survivor Contestant Colton Found Beaten in Alabama
Mar, 8 2012

Survivor One World Contestant Colton Cumbie

MONROEVILLE AL – Survivor has had its share of villains over the 24 seasons of the CBS reality show. None however have become as hated as 21 year old Alabama native Colton Cumbie. Russel Hantz, Survivors previous villain extraordinaire, seems only as dastardly as the Trix Rabbit when compared to Colton.

Following Wednesdays episode of Survivor One World saw CBS switchboards light up and comments on Survivors Facebook page fill quicker than the Lido deck on the Titanic. Viewers were enraged. Cumbie was found beaten outside a Monroeville spa Thursday afternoon.

Since the show is taped and all the contestants watch the episodes from their homes until the finale, still several months away, Cumbie found some in the general population were offended by his actions and took it upon themselves to even the score. Colton Cumbie was the victim of an old fashioned “blanket party” late Thursday morning following a visit to Main Street Salon and Spa in Monroeville where he had just received his weekly anal waxing.

Cumbie was beaten by a group of yet unidentified vigilantes. Police have no suspects. Apparently all security monitoring equipment in nearby businesses and even traffic surveillance was not functioning at the time of the attack. There were no witnesses and police claim they have little to go on beyond a Survivor Africa buff wrapped tightly around Cumbies genitals discovered on the scene.

Cumbie, an openly gay contestant, has proved to have less tolerance for those different from him than the sixties version of the Ku Klux Klan. Prior to episode 4, he provided snarky little sound bites that made for good promos for the show. For example, after his team gave the women’s team much needed fire following a cold rainy night, Colton said “I’m a Republican and I don’t believe in hand-outs.” It’s hard to imagine Cumbie casting a vote for Rick Santorum, but this kid is not representative of most in the gay community.

Posts across the internet are labeling Cumbie as an ignorant racist. A claim that is impossible to argue following the statements he made on Wednesdays episode. Colton verbally attacked fellow tribe member Bill Posley, a struggling stand-up comic who also happens to be black. Cumbie claimed Posley is a misfit due to his economic social standing and berated him on multiple levels finally telling him to get a real job. Tough words coming from a trust fund baby with no history of real work himself unless you count “Fluffer” for a collegiate production of Boys Gone Wild as resume noteworthy.

Show host Jeff Probst pointedly asked Colton if his hatred for Bill was because he is black to which Colton responded ” No, I have black people in my life” to which Probst asked “Who?” Cumbie said “Our housekeeper”. Perhaps she will bake him a chocolate pie.

Cumbie it appears also is prejudiced against dwarfs. Leif Manson, also a fellow tribe member of Colton was called a Munchkin and Oompa Loompa among other degrading comments. Yet it appears the only little person is Cumbie himself, who stooped to a real low and showed America just how ignorant bigotry can be. So far, no well wishes or condolences have been received at the Cumbie estate.

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