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Mortgage Defaults Spike as Rolling Stones Tour
Jun, 15 2013

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CHICAGO – “You can’t always get what you what” is what many are telling banks holding their mortgages this month. The Rolling Stones tour of North America, tickets prices were staggering and seemingly out of reach for most fans of the geriatric rockers.  The average ticket was over $600 before “convenience” fees. Scalpers sent some ticket prices soaring further, including those in the tongue pit, to well over $5,000.  “Mick himself had better lick me if I’m spending that kind of money” blasted fan Earl Spunkmez after passing up those prices outside the United Center for the bands final Chicago date.

Wells Fargo reports seeing a 3% increase in missed payments of homeowners living in tour cities during May. Bank of America estimated the defaults will generate millions for the bailed out financial company. They also denied the changing of their phone “hold” music to the muzak version of Under My Thumb was in any way related to their position over their customers.

With many bands choosing to exploit their fans one last time, the Rolling Stones ticket prices exceed the tours of The Eagles, Fleetwood Mac, Bruce Springsteen and Rupert Holmes. The Stones tour is titled 50 and Counting which might be a reference to looking in your wallet. Get to fifty and keep counting.

There were many who did pay those prices fearing this might be the last chance to see the band. Rachael and Izzy Jarodix of  Rantoul, IL, chose to blow off their mortgage payments for May and June. They also cut their food budget by eating maple leaves and crabgrass clippings since finding 3rd level tickets online on PudHub.com. “We knew we’d have to sacrifice some things. Our babies have really trimmed down, looking much more svelte and are now fitting into some of their old clothes which helps even more.” said Ms. Jarodix  “Look, it’s the Stones, so F#ck it.”

Truly the cockroaches of rock, the Stones have survived longer than most. Sure Brian Jones is dead, Bill Wyman departed years back, but it’s really the Mick & Keff show and if anyone has cheated the reaper, its Richards. The rock star lifestyle clearly has taken its toll, but Richards, like a super hero, just dons a leopard skin smoking jacket, black skinny jeans, bandanna and the ever present cigarette dangling from his lips and the fans forget he should have a head stone.

And nobody Moves like Jagger than Mick himself. Though on this tour he has been wearing a catheter to combat the urinary incontinence battle he has been waging of late, Jagger is a front man like no other. Mick has no equal. Sure one can argue Daltry or Plant, but Jagger has that certain something, which at this point may or may not be kidney stones.

So, maybe dodging collection calls from Wells Fargo or Bank of America might just be worth it to have seen the self-proclaimed Greatest Band in the World. Then again maybe you’ll wake up feeling like you were butt banged by Clarence Clemons. Either way, it’s only Rock and Roll.