SAN PAULO – ‘Senhor Testiculo’ in Portuguese speaking Brazil, or ‘Mr. Balls’ to the English speaking world, is the beloved mascot of testicular health in South America’s largest country. The animated appendage visits children to promote the differences between a “Happy Sack” and a “Sad Sack” in the educational tour across Brazil. Most visits are a meet and greet with the 5 1/2 foot tall scrotum. In the major cities, Mr. Balls entertains while educating with magic and illusions, climaxing with the incredible finale where he enters a clear acrylic quick temperature changing module and is physically transformed before the audiences eyes, eerily similar to a Criss Angel performance.
Here’s where it does get slightly disturbing. Senhor Testiculo has pubic hair unlike much of it’s target audience. The curly hairs are not proportionate to the size of the sack mascot itself. Rather, it appears it has a close ill-fitting afro, complete with jheri curl. Some speculate it was modeled after American guitarist Rick James, but the mascots designer says that simply is not true. “The initiative was to educate while creating an eco-friendly design in the construction” boasts the non-profit’s web site. Creators utilized real pubic hair by repurposing the waste from the vast Brazilian wax trade.
Mr. Balls ended up with a patchwork of pubic hair reminiscent of a dog with the mange. An obscenely obese dog. An obscenely obese dog, shaped like a scrotum with the pubic hair of about 160 Brazilian vaginas glued onto it. Not something one would likely adopt from an animal shelter even if it was doomed to be euthanized, yet both children and adults love taking pictures with Senhor Testiculo and often pet the blotches of hair during the photo op.
But where’s Senhor Linguiça? Senor Galo? Mr. Penis? No such side-kick was ever part of this campaign, yet Sehnor Testiculo seems incomplete without one. That arguably would be an epic dynamic duo. Insiders claim Brazilian officials did consider making an offer for the rights to ‘Senor Chorizo’, one of four ethnic sausages who battle it out in Sausage Races at home games for Milwaukee Wisconsin’s professional baseball team, but balked when the Brewers organization insisted the Latin sausage remain bald. So Mr. Balls will continue to swing from town to town in Brazil while the four wieners in Wisconsin will keep racing to finish first.
UPDATE: Toymaker Hasbro has acquired the rights to make a huggable childrens doll, similar to the popular Tickle Me Elmo, modeled after the kid-friendly animated ball sack, who recently surpassed Ronaldo McDonald in popularity with children and outsold all super hero costumes on Halloween in most of South America. Maybe he deserves a cape, or at least a thong.