PYONGYANG, North Korea – Jang Song Thaek, the former mentor of the North Korean leader Kim Jong Un was arrested Thursday in the midst of the Political Bureau Meeting coming as a shock to those in attendance. Circumstances for Jong Un’s uncle have deteriorated quickly. North Korea said Friday that it has executed him for various misdeeds of illegal drug use and illicit womanizing. It was less than 24 hours from arrest to execution the State run news reported claiming justice was swift when Thaek’s attorney himself called his client a “traitor” who tried to seize power, overthrow the state and embarrass their leader. An impromptu firing squad of three riddled the 62 year old at the hearing,
As is tradition in North Korea, one of the executioners guns is loaded with rubber bullets to randomize fault in case of false accusations, yet it was apparent the first one of the three to get off shots wasn’t shooting lead. At least 40 rounds of what appeared to be pencil erasers pummeled the left side of Jang Song Thaek’s face while breaking both lens of his glasses. Seconds later the rubber slugs stopped and the live ammunition ended all chances of future tomfoolery from Un’s uncle.
North Korea officially is not known for it’s sense of humor, so perhaps that is what is so difficult to comprehend. Why was Jang Song Thaek such a prankser? Always going for the laugh, many suggest was the real reason he was executed. The condemnation of illegal drugs and illicit womanizing, was Viagra and strip clubs but as one inside source who requested anonymity, so they don’t kill him, surmised; he embarrassed the North Korean leader one too many times. “His uncle promised to hook up Kim Jong with one of his red headed lady friends (Jong has a reputation for his taste for gingers) but when the woman revealed a pubic region dyed florescent blue, Jong panicked which is when his uncle gave him an atomic wedgie, laughing hysterically and sucking air from random whipped cream cans. Now the man is dead. Bad timing I guess.”
No services are planned. It is expected by Monday this man will have never existed. His images have already been removed from State photos and replaced with a Krokeohka, the very rare Korean panda bear. Even now, internet searches for Jang Song Thaek in North Korea are returning results for Roy Horn of Siegfried & Roy.